Letter Archive:
M/D/Y Topic of Focus

A New Year without any fear!

When I volunteered to work with children I went through a complicated but necessary process. There were interviews, police checks, training and evaluations before I became a mentor to a nine year old boy who was in foster care.

Our first meeting was late 2006 at McDonalds, and he was chaperoned by his foster mother. We had dinner, got to know each other and agreed to get together the following week for our first three hour visit.

Prior to our first session, I was filled with apprehension and had no idea of what to expect. The only point of reference I had was my experience as a father and grandfather.

I picked him up on a rainy day in October. It was a good neighborhood, clean home, caring foster parents; it all seemed positive given the circumstances. He pointed out his school a half block away.

I was more nervous and apprehensive that he was. It was obvious from the beginning he had more experience with this type of thing than I had. I soon settled down and we began to connect. As our first three hours came to a close he asked, “What did you think I was going to be like?”

Not quick to pre-judge people, I instead asked him, “What did you think I would be like?” His bold response was, “you’re older, and I thought you would be more athletic!” Not wanting to laugh at his response I said, “I had better go back to the gym in order to keep up with you.” He gave me a sympathetic but supportive smile.

After our third visit he asked, “Are you going to stay with me? My last guy quit on me after 2 months!” I reassured him I would be there as long as he needed me.

I had to allow time for him to trust me and prove that I would follow through and not just be another face that quickly disappears after promises are broken.

On the fourth visit we began to talk about his parents and what his dreams were. He never said much about his parents other than he wanted to go home. I didn’t know it at the time, but his father was diligently working behind the scenes to bring him home.

In these circumstances there’s always something going on, especially when the Ministry of Children and Family Development is involved. December 23rd he went home to spend Christmas with his father.

April 25th 2007 was a memorable day. He was back living permanently with his father, going to school and doing well. We went to the local neighborhood park, threw a football around and walked over to our favorite ice cream parlor. After returning to the park we came across a man flying a remote controlled helicopter.

The young boy is fearless when it comes to talking to strangers and I am always amazed at how charming he can be. As soon as the helicopter was on the ground he ran over to chat up its owner. The man was completely captivated with him and took an extraordinary amount of time to explain how the helicopter worked. It was a marvelous moment we all shared. When I drove him home that evening we were both happy and satisfied with the adventures we’d shared.

As was my routine, I called his father the next week to confirm when I was to pickup his son. There was to be no pickup, as the Ministry had responded to an accusatory call from someone against the father. They had swooped in and taken his son and again placed him in a foster home until the accusation could be investigated.

Shocked is the only word I can use to describe how I felt as the father told me about what had transpired. Over the previous 4 months I had gotten to know the father as well as the neighbors in their apartment building. The young boy was the only child in the building, and everyone was very protective of him. It was a happy and safe environment.

This turn of events made me very angry. As his mentor, I had become a big part of this boy’s life and I felt everything was headed in the right direction. There was no courtesy call to inform me of the Ministry’s actions. The police were involved in the investigation, and as an outsider, the Ministry was very hesitant in sharing any information regarding the case.

While I am not at liberty to discuss the process, it was a stressful month of uncertainty before I was allowed to see him again. By the time we got together he had been moved through two different foster homes.

He was handling the situation as well as a young person could but told me,”I feel like I’ll never be able to go home and I’m in the system for good now.” I tried to reassure him that wasn’t going to be the case. It took four long grueling months of advocating on his behalf to make that wish come true.

Now that he has been allowed to return home I have noticed a change in his personality. He is more fearful and is quick to angry outbursts. He is confused and apprehensive about his future. It will take time before he trusts people again.

This child is resilient in more ways than I am allowed to reveal to you. But he is a child at risk and is one of the reasons I send this newsletter to you every month.

We all have the power to make a difference in someone’s life. The rewards I have received for the time and effort I’ve put into this relationship far outweigh any sacrifices I have had to make. Thank you for sharing this experience with me.

My New Year’s wish is that this child learns to live without fear